A Brand New Day

Today I was listening to the radio at work and I happened to catch a few lines in a song that spoke directly to me, as they seemed to reflect exactly what's going on inside me:

"It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok"
~Joshua Radin, Brand New Day

The lyrics hint at similar words that have been a beacon for me over the last several months:

"And love says: I will, I will take care of you."
~Hafiz

The Hafiz quote summarizes my faith in God, and the trust that no matter what happens, I am fully embraced in God's love and ultimately that will carry me through anything no matter what things may look like on the surface. This quote links my past with my future and my present--love is a continuum in which no single moment is irrelevant. Everything matters. I matter. My heart matters.

Recently God and I had a fight. I argued that God was not being very kind to me and then expressed exactly what I thought about that fact. Actually, this angry episode happened not too long after I had run across some writing in one of my college journals. In my journal I described how I found God most responsive during those times in which I became most adamant or demanding with God. Sometimes you've got to raise your voice a bit in order to get an appropriate response! Rather than being a form of "manipulating" God, I think my actions reflect a more acute expression of faith. It's a moment of crying out, "Listen to me, because right now I'm cutting through all the fluff and crap and getting right to the point. I. Need. You."

And so it worked again. Faith moves mountains. This is a miracle that leaves me awestruck every time. (I think I may actually have a scar on my chin from my jaw dropping to the floor so much...)

Immediately, beginning the very next morning and continuing still through the present moment, God began sending me a steady stream of kindness. Life is in the details. The gifts have come as gentle whispers, little winks, smiles. A wordless exchange that speaks to me everything I've needed to hear. In return I've softened and opened myself up as well, knowing that it usually takes two to tango...and there were things I could be doing to better encourage--namely, being more open to, and in a better place to receive--God's kindness.

And so I began saying yes to joy in my heart. I had long recognized that my life was out of balance--my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body were exhausted. I was a weary traveler just longing for home. Home is where the heart is, so I decided to start better listening to my heart, and be more conscious of letting it be my compass.

Although the demands in my life did not really change, the weight of them has shifted. As I began following my heart in even the most minute ways, moving towards those things that feed my soul, piece by piece things started settling back into better balance in my life.

Having just returned from a weekend trip to Oregon to visit friends and family--true soul food--my heart feels quite nourished. My words don't do justice to the full depth yet complete simplicity of what I'm feeling--there are so many more things to write about that would help illustrate how this is being expressed in my life. But, like I mentioned in the above paragraph...."the demands in my life did not really change"....so I don't have endless hours for being able to scribble it all down.

But, there is definitely a feeling of comfort and peace, in knowing that when I follow my heart all my needs really are taken care of. "And for the first time, in such a long long time, I know I'll be ok."

I recently made up a new quote of my own: "Follow your heart, but lead with your soul."

I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, but over 4th of July weekend I did some journaling and discovered through that process that it's my mind that does the thinking, my heart that does the feeling, but it's my soul that does the knowing. If I continue to live with the intentionality of having a soulful life, I believe my heart will be full every day. I think that sounds like a good way to live.

Here's to a brand new day! And if you're interested, here are the rest of the lyrics to the song:

BRAND NEW DAY
Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend

It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok