This past weekend I managed to reconnect with some old friends from high school via various social networking websites. (If you are interested, you can try some of these sites out for yourself at MySpace, Facebook, and Classmates.com.) It has been fun hearing from them and seeing what they are up to now, 15 years after high school.
I had a difficult summer dealing with a rift in what I considered to be one of my closest friendships. Relationships of any kind can be difficult, especially when miscommunication occurs. The effects can be devastating. What I have learned, however, is that the only thing you can do is be real. Be real with yourself, first and foremost. If you can't be real with yourself, then you can't ever hope to engage honestly with anyone else around you. Secondly, I've learned that when the going gets rough, you need to just relax and let go. Not let go as in a flippant "see ya, have a nice life." Instead I mean loosening the grip and not "trying" so hard. As a very sensitive person I have a very difficult time when I feel that I've been misunderstood--so I typically go into overdrive spinning my wheels and trying to backtrack in order to rectify the situation. However, what usually ends up happening is that I end up going nowhere, only digging my wheels deeper into the ground.
This summer I tried a different approach. As difficult as it was, I knew I had no choice but to let go or I would only be spinning my wheels again. Instead, I decided I would let my character and my spirit be my testimony. Just be real. I try to live my life as a kind, compassionate, friendly and honest person of integrity. I must let that truth speak for itself and not distract from it by clammering in with all my inarticulate explanations. It hasn't been easy, but it has been a growing experience for me.
So, the reconnecting with old friends has also brought with it an element of healing power for me. Relationships are powerful forces in our lives...and there is quite enough love to go around, in my view. I still hope that my fractured friendship can be renewed again in the future, and I will wait patiently until that possibility comes. But for now I will celebrate newfound friends and cherish the many people who have touched my life through the years. I have been blessed!
May 1, 2024 (Vol.32, No.9) – Happenings
1 day ago
1 comment:
I'm glad to hear that you are reconnecting with old friends and still holding out hope for healing in your damaged relationships. No one ever tells you when you are a kid how hard relationships can be whether it be as lovers, friends, colleagues. Being in relationship with another person requires a certain amount of openness - a balance between being yourself but also a willingness to be effected by another person. There is no such thing as a relationship that only gives and never takes or only takes and never gives. I think the "relation" part of the relationship occurs in the "letting go" and "being real" that you talk about - the seemingly contradictory experience of being both strong and vulnerable in one's identity an a willingness to share your true self with another person. It is not always an easy or a natural thing but you do it well. Your friends are lucky to have you!
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