What's Your Story?

We live by the stories we tell.
~Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor

My pastor shared these words in her Christmas Eve sermon, and immediately I wrote them down as they struck a chord in me. I find this phrase filled with all kinds of meaning. I think it speaks true whether we are talking about external stories, or internal stories. By external stories I am referring to those stories that occur outside of us--the histories and tales we hear from those around us. Sometimes we hear these external stories live, as they are happening. Other stories have been passed on for years, decades...even centuries or longer.

By internal stories I am talking about those stories that make up who we are. They are not just a literal history, as I believe we are all much more than that. Our stories are also our thoughts, our voices, our feelings, our secrets, our desires, our fears, our loves, our dislikes, our tragedies, our celebrations....everything about us that makes up the essence of who we are. Everything that shapes us.

Sometimes the line between external stories and internal stories is quite fuzzy. Some external stories receive such prominence in our lives that we begin to incorporate pieces of those stories into our very selves. They become external truths with which we feel such a meaningful connection that we begin to internalize them and make them part of our own story.

This is why I think this concept of "living by the stories we tell" is so powerful. It's not just about repeating the stories that we've had told to us--the stories of our faith and traditions, the stories of our ancestors, the stories of our "people" (whoever those may be). But, it's also about recognizing the power that storytelling has over our lives even when we don't realize we are in fact telling stories. So many of the stories we tell are so subtle that we don't even recognize them as such.

When I heard these words by Wiesel, they reminded me immediately of another of my favorite quotes:

"To be deprived of one's story is the most ruthless form of oppression."
~T.E. Clarke

If we live by the stories we tell, it is not far-fetched to consider that we sometimes die by the stories that are left untold. To silence someone--to deny them their voice--is probably one of the most destructive weapons you can use against the human spirit. I think in particular of individuals who find themselves trapped under a heavy blanket of silence with secrets they find far too shameful to share. To be deprived of one's story causes alienation and isolation. To kill someone's voice is like depriving oxygen to their human spirit. You might as well be suffocating them with a pillow shoved in their face.

For the past year I have worked alongside many homeless people. I've witnessed the pain of alienation and isolation that many of them have experienced as a result of losing their voice in society. Apart from the obvious need of having their basic needs met, I still recognize that for many of them, their simplest of all needs is just to have someone there who is willing to listen--to hear their story. To be deprived of one's story is not only oppressive, it's dehumanizing.

The other key point that stands out for me with this idea of living by the stories we tell is the fact that it matters absolutely what kind of stories we are telling. There are stories that are affirming and there are stories that are damaging. When we don't recognize the power of storytelling in our lives we are all the more susceptible to the destructiveness of telling damaging stories. When we grow to recognize what stories we are telling--both the external and the internal stories--we start to become empowered and more in control of influencing and choosing what kinds of stories we want to live by.

In many ways this past year, for me, has been a time of paying more attention to myself as a storyteller. The past few years have taken me through some major life changes--just about any life change one could imagine--and this journey has taken me to many different places and provided me with many new stories. As I learn new stories about myself I find myself recognizing that some of the older stories have now run their course and are ready to come to an end. As I hear new stories I get energized and inspired and find myself thinking ahead to what new chapters or sequels lie ahead. Some of these will be external stories, and I simply have to wait for what's in store, but others are internal stories--stories in which I am the writer and the narrator and the protagonist. Well, okay, I admit in some stories I am still the antagonist as well, but that's what makes a good drama!

As I examine the current expression of my life and am proud and humbled and exhilarated by the fact that I am finally living my most authentic story, I recognize that I've arrived here by wrestling with all of those endless texts, scribbling out multiple rough drafts, throwing the crap stories in the wastebasket (while practicing my hoops with crumpled paper balls), and ultimately recognizing that I am the one with the power to change my story and make it what I want it to be. I know I've shared it before, but this is one of the stories I have been focused on for quite some time:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined."
~Henry David Thoreau

I attribute the place I am at right now directly to all the blood, sweat and tears I have poured out throughout my fitness journey. I recognized before I took the very first step on this journey that my goal was not simply about losing weight--I had the literal premonition that it was the magic formula that was going to allow me to take control and make my life exactly what I wanted it to be.

I made up my own quote the other day as a spin-off of the Thoreau quote: "To make all your dreams come true, you first need the courage to dream them."

Be brave, write down all your dreams, and embrace your role as the storyteller. End the stories that don't need to be told anymore. Write new chapters for the stories that need changing. Begin new stories where you have felt that restless longing.

That's what I've been doing while I've been busy busting my ass at the gym. I'm finally living the life I imagined, and this is only the beginning.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.