Top Shelf, in the Back and to the Left

As human beings we are quite an amazingly diverse bunch. The inventory of qualities that make up who I am is completely unique from anyone else I've ever met in the world. I'm sure the same is true for everyone else. Sure, we can find people who are quite similar to us, but no two people are going to be exactly the same. In some contexts that uniqueness leads people to begin comparing--rather, measuring--themselves to and against one another. In particular I was reflecting on some of the qualities that I find attractive in other people. Sometimes it's easy to compare ourselves to others and covet something we see in them that we think we want for ourselves. The danger in this is that our rich, complex, multi-dimensional personalities then get reduced to superficial, seemingly clear-cut traits. I sometimes fall into the temptation of thinking my life would somehow be more complete "if only I had..." some particular given trait.

As an example, I sometimes find that people who are more outgoing than me in certain social situations seem to exhibit a special kind of confidence that appears almost magical to me. I think, "Wow, I would be amazing if I could do that!" But, in those moments I have completely reduced complex human qualities into neat, but completely oversimplified little boxes. I have become myopic and completely taken for granted the bigger picture. The grass always looks greener on the other side--especially when we're only looking and paying attention to the greenest of the grass, ignoring the weeds and the bare patches in our peripheral vision. It's when I really start to take in the bigger picture that I realize things aren't actually as rosy as they seem. If I am going to compare myself to someone else, I can't just compare one trait...it has to be across the board or I'm no longer comparing apples to apples. I have to be willing to take the good with the bad. It's when I press myself to look at the bigger picture that I recognize I am no longer looking at some magical trait, but a bright spot in that person. We all have our own bright spots--the parts of us that glow when the light hits us at just the right angle. In order to have bright spots, however, it necessarily means that there will be dull or dark spots as well. I don't mean to imply that the less-than-bright spots are inherently negative in any way; only that they likely appear less magical.

So, earlier this week I found myself thinking more deeply about the concept of confidence. I began to distinguish that there are at least two kinds of confidence: a head confidence and confidence that comes from the heart or from the soul (I'm not sure which--but it's somewhere at the core). With the head confidence a person's ego is safely insulated enough that they are free to move about the world without getting tripped up by it as easily--or perhaps simply as visibly. But, as I reflected more thoughtfully on my own unique flavor of self-confidence I acknowledged that it is just as equally unshakable...it is just rooted in a different place. My own confidence rests at the very core of my being. I don't mean to say that I find myself completely lacking in the head confidence--just that those who are more outgoing than me seem to possess a particularly sharpened version of this kind of confidence. I experience my own sense of self-confidence as a kind of wellspring that springs up from the depths of my heart and soul. It is rooted in the fact that I genuinely love and embrace myself and all that I am in a completely honest and authentic way. The reason I can verify it is authentic is because, as I now consider some of those traits I have, in the past, been tempted to think I want for myself, I recognize without any doubt that there is nothing I already possess within myself that I would ever be willing to give up in order to get any of those other things. Not a single thing! When I take full stock of my own unique inventory of traits that make up who I really am, I am wholeheartedly convinced that I ended up with the much better end of the bargain. My confidence rests securely in knowing that I am top shelf material. When people are only paying attention to the surface, they can end up missing out on some of my best qualities. That's because I don't do superficial very well. But, for those who know that the best stuff is usually found on the top shelf...sometimes hidden away in the back, and maybe a little to the left...amazing surprises are in store. And that's the kind of mate I hope to find one day--the one who is both eager and perceptive enough to seek me out. The one who is willing to see beyond the superficial and dig a little deeper to find their gold. And I won't settle for anything less, because I want top shelf in return.

The way I see it, head confidence is the kind of confidence that can actually be strengthened and grown through practice. I'm not so sure the same is true for that deep inner confidence that is conveyed by a resilient, blazing inner light that never burns out. I happen to love my light. And I am absolutely unwilling to trade it in for anything else.